Kicking against the pricks!
It is hard for me, and you, for anyone, to kick against the pricks.
No one promised you that life would be easy, but Jesus promised us, that if we forsake our sinful lives and follow Him, we will have eternal life in Him and with Him, and no amount of suffering we might endure by following Him in this life, will compare to the joy we will experience with Him for eternity in heaven.
Do you feel forsaken, empty and lost? Does life feel random and meaningless? Well so did I until I accepted Jesus into my life, the Saviour of my soul.
If you seek Jesus now, you will find meaning and purpose in your life, not just in this life but for all eternity.